So when did I know

So when did I know that mom was going to die?

A few day's after dad died my mom had a ct scan of her abdomen because of diverticulitis. The scan showed a shadow in the upper right lobe of her lung.

So after a month of scans and biopsies we started radiation treatment's at the oncology center at Robert Packer hospital in Sayre.

Mom and I made her weekly visits into a routine were we would go to the hospital, then to the Chinese restaurant, and finally we would ride around the back hills of Sayre where mom grew up. We had 2 or 3 thousand dollars left from my dad's $35,000 settlement with the USMC for his PTSD after paying for his funeral, headstone, and buying mom new appliances for the house.

The sad part is that we (as in the household because we shared everything we had) would have received an extra $3000 a month from the USMC for the rest of dad's life. We would have about $5000 a month coming in!

All of mom and dad's dreams could come true! We could payoff the mortgage and travel! We could help our family and see places we only dreamed of like our castle in France or Hyde hall in England and we could visit Arizona and see Jackie.

A lot of dreams were coming true!

That lasted 1 month.

You see my father had a DNR and a health care proxy.

When he was admitted with pneumonia at Ithaca hospital, they did not know this so they placed him on a ventilator and restrained his arms because of the PTSD.

Dad was miserable.

After our visit, mom and I, had lunch in downtown Ithaca. I explained to mom that I had to give the hospital his proxy. We couldn't let them put in a tracheotomy tube in his throat like aunt Velma had.

So I killed my dad by giving that paper to them.

Sure I could have kept it, hid it, or destroyed it, and he would have survived the pneumonia and then my dad would have lived another 2 to 5 years. It would have been torture.

He would have the tracheotomy tube and the stoma that he hated. He couldn't travel unless I drove him and all he had was laying in his room hoping that someone would call.

He didn't want that. So I gave them the paper.

So the end of mom's radiation treatment came and mom lied to me and said it was gone!

So mom and I did our usual thing and would fill the gas tank and just explore back roads go to our restaurant and talk.

All this time she knew the cancer was still there and so did I.

Then mom had a diabetic coma brought on by too much sugar medication. The doctor told everyone that she was also fighting cancer.

They sent her to Rochester.

When I brought her back she was an invalid barely aware of where she was, and they had stole her rings. Hell I didn't even know that they were going to discharge her! They didn't even wheel her out. I had to take her from her room out to our car with no help what so ever! But not before they hit us with a $500 pharmacy bill.

So I knew from that day and I slowly watched her leave me.

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