Tiffany Anne Jocelyn

 

Tiffany or Princess Tiffany Anne Jocelyn is my support for the LGBT community on twitter and my own exploration of my sexual identity and what I think I would have looked like if born female (excuse the self pride please).

My only real experience with sex is the violent attack from my Cousin Randy when I turned 7 years old and my Scout Master when I was in middle school.

I am in fact a virgin when it comes to females. Mostly because of low self-esteem and other issues from being abused such as having your family warn off anyone that may be interested.

So I had to ask myself "is the reason I'm alone because I'm gay?"

Being very analytical by nature, I separated the issue into questions and started answering them.

Was I gay?

No I do not want to have sex with men as a man. The thought is disgusting to me.

Do I find men attractive?

No, in fact I find men to be universally unattractive, self centered, bullies, and louts.

So not Gay.

Was I Trans?

Did I think I was a girl in a guy's body?

Now this was a hard question to ask because I know that my life would have been easier if I had been born female. My father would have loved me. My family would have protected me. I would have fit in with my cousins that I grew up with because they were all female. My female cousins all treated me as more like a female anyway. Even to the point of having "girl talk" about boy's, sex, and other teenage things that guy's are not normally included in. So yes, they saw me as one of the girls. When I was two I tried to circumcise myself to look like my male family members. Or was I trying to remove it to look like my female cousins that I spent most of my time with?

But was I Trans?

I fantasied about sex as a man with females. I had dreams of being female but they were mostly the waking up in class in your underwear kind of dream. Nothing sexual.

So there was a possibility.

I experimented. I lived my life as a female for a year. My mom was supportive. My other family members just saw it as justification for their cruel treatment of me.

I got rid of my male clothes.

I wore female clothes, including breast prosthesis, did my own nails and make up, shaved off all my body hair, Grew my hair down past my shoulders, used non gender bathrooms.

On the positive side I enjoyed being looked at and having men whistle at me. The attention feels good. at a distance I made a very convincing female because the medical condition in my hips makes me sway like a girl.

So after a year of walking in my sisters shoes I came to a funny conclusion: If I am Trans and go through the entire surgery to be female then as I am attracted to females, I would no longer be Trans, I would in fact be a lesbian and therefor gay!

No matter what you do You can not escape labels.

So after experimenting I came to the conclusion that I was not Trans.

What about a cross dresser?

I didn't get sexual enjoyment from being dressed as a woman. So by definition; no.

So I have gone back to being Timothy and gave away all of my female stuff, cut my hair, and am just another male now.

So what conclusions did I come to about my sexuality?

I am male and through bad luck, unfortunate events, malicious intent, and lack of self esteem, I have never attracted a girl friend. A sad but not necessarily bad conclusion. While I enjoyed being treated as the opposite sex, I do not have a female psyche, or female desires therefor I am not Trans nor Gay.

I am just me Timothy.

I have kept Tiffany because she is an excellent shield against people with ill intent t words me and gives me the freedom to express myself without opening myself up to attack by people hostile t words Timothy Joslyn.

I recommend a Princess Tiffany Anne to everyone who wants to protect themselves.