My Mom is gone

 I feel so numb.

I made the phone calls.

I put her favorite jewelry on her.

I laid out the clothes she was so proud of and put her hat on her.

I feel my strength draining away.

I need to finish my duty to her now and make sure her last instructions are followed.

I need to give sue all of moms clothes so she can hand them out to the family and give what no-one wants to good will.

I need to focus on her.

I cant think right now.

I just did the dishes.

I don't know why.

So many "I's".

I laid down to take a nap and fell asleep.

When I awoke my best friend, my strength, my mom was gone.

Yesterday was the anniversary of my dad's death.

I believe mom died at just before midnight. I had a strong feeling about midnight. As I held her hand and wet her mouth with a sponge, I became extremely tired, nodding back and forth falling to sleep. So I went out from the room and lay down on the couch. One of the first times that Chunk-a-lunka wasnt already there.

I was only going to cat nap but I fell asleep.

Did I fail my mom?

Did I let her die alone?

I don't think so.

I believe that my mom and dad didn't want me to see her leave because I would have followed her. I believe she was why I fell asleep.

To spare me from this soul crushing pain for at least one night.

Sue's here with Rick. I can't be weak until after I fulfill my word and see mom buried with dad.

If I start talking, I will break, I will lose what little strength that is holding me up.

Everyone in this life is full of promises yet short on delivery. At least it feels that way to me.

I can not be like that.

I have gladly given everything except my last breath to taking care of my Mom and Dad and I would gladly give that too for one more day with them.

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